"A Tale of Two Cables" by Troy H. Cheek on Sep 15, 2008
"Welcome to Schematic Scene, your number one source of all things electronic and flashing! How can we help you today?" said the overly perky greeter.
"'We' can help 'us' by letting 'us' at least step foot inside the store before 'we' start asking 'us' questions," said the overly surly customer. "Just point me towards the cables."
Okay, I admit that sometimes I'm not the easiest person in the world to get along with. I can be a bit gruff and unappreciative of people who are trying to help me. On the other hand, there's just something so infuriating about someone offering to help me with something before I even have any idea whether or not I can do that something myself.
"Cables? We have cables! We have audio cables, video cables, coax cables, cables to connect to other cables..." I'm sure she went on for quite a while, but I wasn't listening.
"A/V cables," I told her. "Specifically, component video and audio for connecting a DVD player to a plasma screen television."
"What model DVD player? What model television?"
"A model DVD player with component output and a model television with component input. What more do you need to know? I'm trying to buy my father some cables. Just point me to the cables."
"Are you sure you don't mean composite video?"
"Well, let's see. There are three RCA-style connectors for the video, colored red, green, and blue. There are two RCA-style connectors for the audio, colored red and white. I believe that's component video with audio. Composite would be one yellow RCA connector for video along with the red and white for audio."
"Uh, let me got someone who can help you."
Eventually, I was led to a wall of packages. The packages contained cables. The packages also had price tags.
"I can't help but notice that you want me to pay more to hook up this DVD than I paid for the DVD player itself."
"Well, sir, plasma televisions are much more sensitive to interference than LCD TVs," the salesman lied. "You don't want to risk standing wave patterns. That's very bad for the eyes. You wouldn't trust your father's eyesight to crappy $50 cables, would you?"
"I was planning to trust my father's eyesight to crappy $12 cables, but you don't seem to be selling any."
This went on for a while. I was left with the impression that I was the worst son in the world because I thought saving a few hundred dollars was more important than my father's well being. If I loved him at all, I'd happily shell out $140 for a set of Colossal Cables brand component cables, plus another $40 for Colossal Cables brand audio cables once the salesman realized that I actually wanted to connect the DVD audio to something.
I guess I've somehow missed all those DVD players with built in subwoofers.
"Aren't those Colassal Cables the ones with the 1000% markup?" I asked.
"Of course not, sir. Those are highly precise, custom machined cables worth every penny. I use them in my own home," he assured me.
"And you pay full retail for your cables?" I snapped.
"Well, I get a little bit of an employee discount," he admitted.
"Let me think," I said. "Employees pay 10% over wholesale. The wholesale price is $12.50, so you pay about $14? And you're trying to get me to pay $140?"
I scandalized the guy by telling him I'd just pick up an extra few RCA connectors from Rip-off Shed and make my own cables. I should have, seeing as reviews tell me that Colossal Cables don't do much better than cables made out of spark plug wires.
Instead, I drove to a neighboring town.
"Welcome to Schematic Scene, your number one source of all things electronic and flashing! How can we help you today?" said the overly perky greeter.
"I'm looking for AV cables," I told her. She pointed some out. A few minutes later, I was shelling out $29.95 for for a component video cable with audio. It worked out fine.
I guess I love my Dad after all.
