"Our Specials are Special" by Troy H. Cheek on Jun 30, 2008
I had a little extra money and a little extra time and a little extra hunger, so I stopped by Sir Pukesalot Family Restaurant and Taxidermy Service for a quick bite to eat. Not having any particular hunger in mind, I decided to check out that day's special: 10 fish fillets for $10.
"Excuse me, miss," I said. "What's so special about the special today?"
"Our special for today is 10 fish fillets for $10. No coupons or combinations with other specials, please."
I pointed to the sign above her head. "Isn't the everyday price for 10 fish fillets also $10?"
She looked where I pointed. "Yes, sir."
"Does the special come with a drink or a side item or dessert or something?"
"Why would the special come with an extra like that?"
I felt the headache starting. "Oh, I don't know. Because it's special or something? Don't specials usually come with something special?"
"No, sir. It's just a regular special."
"So, you're telling me that the regular price is 10 for $10, but the special price for today only is 10 for $10. What makes this offer special?"
Now it looked like she was getting a headache. "Sir, there's nothing special about the offer that makes it special. It's just today's special."
I decided to try one more time. "Okay, one more time. Last week, the chicken dinner which is usually $7 was sold for $6. The week before, the hamburger meal came with an extra side. The week before that, any meal came with a free drink. Once again, I ask you: what's so special about this special?"
"Sir, do you want to order something? You're holding up the line."
Sigh. "Okay, I'll take the 10 fish fillets for $10. Hold on, I have a half-off coupon."
"I'm sorry, sir. Our specials cannot be combined with coupons or other specials."
"Oh, I'm not ordering the special 10 fish for $10. I'm ordering the everyday 10 fish for $10."
"But, but, but there's no difference!"
"That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
After the manager separated us, she offered to take my order. I explained that I would like to order 10 fish fillets.
She hits some buttons on the register. "Do you want to make that a fish fillet meal? You'll get a discount. The 10 fish fillets meal will be $10."
My smart mouth wouldn't stop talking. "Just out of curiousity, how much does a single fish fillet cost?"
"Oh, that's $1, sir."
"So, 10 fish fillets for $1 each would come to a total of $10. Does this fish fillet meal come with a drink or side items?"
"Well, no, sir. It's just a discounted price on the 10 fish fillets."
"10 fish fillets at $1 each comes to $10, but a fish fillet meal containing the same 10 fish fillets also costs $10. Where's the discount?"
"Um, okay, sir." The manager thought for a moment. "Would you like our 10 fish fillet special instead?"
"That was the reason why your sales associate was climbing over the counter."
"Oh, right." Pause. "Would you like a drink with that?"
"Large diet, please." She handed me a cup.
"This cup seems smaller than I remember," I told her. "It looks more like a medium."
"It's the largest one we have, sir."
"I'm not saying it isn't. I'm asking if this 'large' cup is smaller than the one I was given the last time I was here."
"No, that's the size that cup has always been."
"Yes, I'm sure this cup has always been this size. But weren't you calling this cup 'medium' last week?"
"That's the largest cup we have, sir."
"Hold on just a minute." I jogged out to my truck and dug through the trash in the back. "Here, this is the size of cup you used to tell me was the largest one you had."
"Sir, that cup is the same size. It's just a different shape. The one you have is taller but skinnier."
I held the two cups side by side. "So, it's your position that these two cups hold the same volume of liquid?"
"Yes, sir."
"So, if I go over to the drink fountain and fill this old cup with diet drink, then walk it over here and pour it into this new cup, it will fill it exactly.
She flinched. "Yes, sir."
"You're telling me that several ounces of drink won't overflow onto the counter?"
Her eye twitched. "Of course it won't, sir."
It did.
