"Cinematic Titanic Take Two" by Troy H. Cheek on Jun 23, 2008
As I've mentioned before, I'm a big fan of an old showed called Mystery Science Theater 3000 or just plain old MST3K. To quote from my earlier article, in MST3K a mad scientist shot a man into space to isolate him. Why? So the scientist could send him nothing but bad movies and see how long it took him to crack. This information could then be used to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Muwahahahaha! Ahem. The poor guy fought back by converting ship's systems into wisecracking robots which could watch the movies with him. As a big fan, I'm dissapointed that there aren't any new episodes coming out anymore.
MST3K does still exist in three forms. There's the official MST3K branded website, which isn't much of anything new, but does contain some clips of the old stuff which you might not be able to find anywhere else. There's not a whole lot to talk about there. The latter-day MST3K folks (Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett) created the short-lived The Film Crew project (only four movies) and Mike eventually went on to create RiffTrax, which just provides the new commentary and it's up to you to add it to your existing DVD. I talked about my experiences with the Jurassic Park RiffTrax a while back. Finally, the MST3K folks from the early days recently started Cinematic Titanic. That's what I'm going to talk about today.
All these projects boil down to providing comedic commentary for bad movies. Cinematic Titanic does that with a record-breaking five (5) commentators: Joel Hodgson, Frank Conniff, Josh Weinstein, Trace Beaulieu, and Mary Jo Pehl. Unlike the other projects, CT actually has these guys outlined at the bottom of the screen. It's not exactly like MST3K, but it's growing on me. There are also no host segments, though occasionally they will "stop the film" to discuss something going on or do a quick comedy bit. A tiny bit of backstory was provided at the start of the second film, but there's still nothing like the story presented at the start of every MST3K episode or the dialog at the start of all four Film Crew movies.
I meant to review Cinematic Titanic back when it first came out, but I didn't. I didn't because it didn't. I was under the impression that CT would release its first episode (or movie or whatever) back in December of 2007. The first episode actually didn't come out until January of 2008. I was also under the impression that the episodes would be available for download, but said episode wasn't available for download until the following April. Finally, I was under the impression that episodes would follow the first roughly monthly. The second episode didn't come out until June, and episode three hasn't even been hinted at yet. I've gotten two episodes in the time I was expecting six, so by numbers alone the highest rating I can give CT is 33%. However, MST3K isn't the sort of thing you can express in terms of numbers.
I wanted a half dozen or episodes of CT under my belt before I reviewed it because I didn't want to unfairly judge it on the basis of problems which were ironed out in later episodes, but the release schedule has been so slow that I've decided to make do with just two. Movies are available for purchase from the website for about $15 for a plain DVD or $10 for a download. More on that later.
Episode 1: The Oozing Skull (1972/2007)
Oozing Skull is not the original name of this movie. Apparently, it was known as Brain of Blood during the original theatrical release and The Creature's Revenge during television (or was that video?) release and Brain Damage during some other release and I'm going to stop with all the darn italics now. The owners asked the CT crew to use yet another name so the new video wouldn't be confused with the other versions. I'm confused enough already. The plot is... Well, it's your basic bad 1970s brain transplant movie. 35 years ago, medical science had reached the point where you could move brains between bodies, even if the brain had been dead for a few days. The mad doctor's deformed lummox of an assistant goofed up bringing in a fresh body and so becomes a body donor himself. Hilarity ensues. The brain is eventually moved to someone else, and we discover that medical science of three decades ago can also flawlessly graft a week-dead face onto a new body.
Technically speaking, the sound is pretty clear, and the riffs are easy to hear. The video transfer is pretty good, but it looks like the movie was digitized at a different resolution than the shadowy outlines of the commentators. They're nice and sharp while the movie is a bit pixelated.
There is no opening sequence setting up the movie; just a countdown as the riffers walk onto the set, then the movie starts. At the end, the riffers leave the set while a torpedo-looking thing is lowered down. Joel drops something (presumably a copy of the movie they just riffed on) into the torpedo and it's hoisted away. Someone who had no experience with MST3K, The Film Crew, RiffTrax, or similar products would be completely lost as to what is going on. On the other hand, people with no experience with those products are unlikely to buy Cinematic Titanic products in the first place.
Riffing is good, though a little sparse. With five commentators, it's easy to lose track of who is saying what, but it seems like nobody got enough lines. Mary Jo and Josh, in particular, seemed too quite most of the time. Joel and Trace came out pretty good, but Frank got some of the best lines and a lengthy solo during a "stop the film" bit.
CT did manage to make a horrible movie watchable. I watched it several times. It wasn't quite MST3K, but it certainly managed to catch the spirit.
Episode 2: Doomsday Machine (1967/1972/2008)
Originally begun in 1967 under the title Armageddon 1975, this movie was never actually completed. Somebody came along in 1972, edited in a few scenes from a few other movies, and released it as The Doomsday Machine for a quick buck. Also known as Escape from Planet Earth. The plot is... Oh, who are we kidding? In the first movie, a Chinese(?) secret agent sneaks into a weapons research facility and photographs a doomsday device. In the second movie, a manned mission to Venus turns into Noah's Ark at the last minute when half the all-male crew are replaced by three women. This is just in case the doomsday device actually works. Nobody bothers to tell the crew about the doomsday machine, though you'd think they'd figure it out from the name of the movie. The exploding Earth creates a lot of radiation, so they have to jettison some weight so they can get to Venus before becoming sterile. The computer decides that said weight should include one of the women and half of the men. Way to maintain your breeding stock, computer! The crew gets separated. How separated? A couple of the characters end up in a third movie! It looks like at least one group will make it to Venus, or at least some planet, but it turns out that the arbitrarily advanced aliens there don't want them. Bummer ending.
Technically speaking, the video transfer is much better than Episode 1. I didn't notice any pixelation or weird color blocks. I assume that they're learning.
Riffing is again good. There seem to be more riffs, more participation by all members, and they just seem to be having more fun with it. I even enjoyed the "stop the film" bits more.
There was even a tiny bit of backstory before the movie started. Apparently, some technical problem means that old movies might be lost to future generations, so it's up to Cinematic Titanic to create new versions. Naturally, the old films would be useless without context, so the CT staff is to provide that context in the form of commentary. Or, if I understood the dialog correctly, annotations. The torpedo-looking thing is apparently a time tube. I think we even get a slightly longer version of the theme song at the end.
I picked up the DVD version of Epsiode 1, which was teh suk. I say that because I was really expecting to download it immediately when it was released back in January. Last minute problems meant that I wouldn't be able to download it until April. At that time, I was still expecting Episode 2 to be available in February, Episode 3 in March, etc. I didn't want to view the episodes out of order, so I went ahead and obtained Episode 1. Then, of course, Episode 2 didn't come out until June. This one was immediately available for download.
I was expecting a simple download link or even a BitTorrent, but instead I found that I had to download the EZTakes download manager. I hate download managers. I was particularly concerned because this one apparently takes care of removing some DRM and unlocks the video so it can be burned to a DVD. The web page kind of made it sound like the download manager had to be active or the downloaded files would not work. However, I've been able to play the downloaded movie even without the manager running, so I'm assuming whatever it did when I entered my credit card information and it let me access the movie in the first place was permanent. Of course, there may be a Sony-type root kit hidden somewhere that I just haven't found yet.
In conclusion, Cinematic Titanic is not MST3K, but it's about as close as we're going to get for the time being. The $15 DVD version is a bit steep for a basic DVD with no bonuses, no host segments, no case, no fancy graphics, no much of anything more than what you could create yourself with a DVD burner. However, the $10 download version which allows you to do just that is certainly worth the money. Especially if you only have to come up with $10 every six months. If they ever get up to that monthly release schedule I was expecting from day one, I might have to change my mind.
P.S. I did an earlier review of Episode 1 for another website. This review supercedes that review.
