"How Mystery Science Theater 3000 Saved My Life" by Troy H. Cheek on Dec 17, 2007
Okay, so MST3K didn't really save my life. It just helped me through a rough stretch. But "How MST3K Kept Me From Being Really Bored During A Time When I Couldn't Do Much More Than Watch Television" doesn't have much of a ring to it.
The basic premise of Mystery Science Theater 3000 is, well, basic. All people, or at least all right-thinking people who think exactly the same way I do, like to make fun of bad movies. There comes a point where a movie can be soooo bad that it loops back around to good.
How can a bad movie be considered good? Isn't bad the polar opposite of good? Of course not. The opposite of a good movie is a boring movie. A truly enjoyable bad movie is one that pushes past boring all the way into a kind of "negative" good zone.
In other words, 5-5=0. 5-10=-5. That's still 5 away from 0, just in the other direction.
The key to enjoying a good bad movie is the right mindset. Some people use recreational drugs, or use drugs recreationally, to get into the right mindset. Mystery Science Theater 3000 uses a method which is less dangerous, more socially acceptable, and (usually) more legal. They poke fun at the badness.
Or, in the words of those who think they are trendy these days, "Sure, I'll watch this bad movie, but I'll only watch it ironically."
That's a paraphrase of what a much younger cousin told me recently about 1980's nostalgia. It's not that people really enjoy those old things I remember from my childhood; they're just pretending to enjoy them to mock the fact that I ever liked them to begin with.
Anyway, in MST3K a mad scientist shot a man into space to isolate him. Why? So the scientist could send him nothing but bad movies and see how long it took him to crack. This information could then be used to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Muwahahahaha! Ahem. The poor guy fought back by converting ship's systems into wisecracking robots which could watch the movies with him.
A few years back, as I have mentioned previously on this site, I had some arm surgery. Nothing life-threatening, I was assured. I wasn't worried about the surgery on my arm, I kept telling them. I was worried that the last time I had surgery, it took me three days to remember who I was afterwards. Luckily, things went off without a hitch in that regard, and I woke up with the same (lack of) mental faculties as before.
I could have used some dulling of the mental faculties, it turned out. Weeks of forced inactivity followed by weeks of painful exercises leaves one looking for diversions. I have a huge collection of paperback sci-fi. Ever try to read a paperback book one-handed? Surf the net? My porn-clicking hand was the one in the brace. Television bored me quickly, although the Buck Rogers and Battlestar Galactice daytime marathons did kill a few days.
Then I rediscovered Mystery Science Theater 3000.
I had recorded some tapes back when I had access to MST3K. A friend had recorded a few others for me. I was even a member of an MST3K tape-of-the-month club there for a while, until they ran out of "every" episode. Apparently, them selling "every" episode just meant that every episode they had the rights to, they were happy to sell to me. They ran out of tapes, but for some reason kept charging my credit card every month. I had to cancel that card to get it to stop. Years later, when they got a few more episodes, they started sending them again and started charging the card again, and the idiot credit card company re-opened my account just to pay them! I'm still not convinced that didn't break half a dozen laws. I certainly don't feel any qualms about throwing the billing statement in the mail when it comes in.
So, sitting/laying there in bed/couch/understuffed chair, sipping on my dihydrocodeinone smoothie (surgery will change your mind about narcotics!), discovering ways that I could snag my arm bandages on the rough concrete wall to create a makeshift suspension rig, and being very bad company for my friends and family, I needed someone with whom I could share my pain.
Joel, Mike, Crow, and Servo were there for me. You just can't feel bad when an overly emotional robot is screaming abuse at a poorly animated special effect.
I watched and re-watched the episodes, over and over. The repeat value was very high, because a few minutes in, I'd finally unwind, let go of my worries, and drift off into an almost sleep, still vaguely aware that my robot friends were still there with me, but not focusing on any actual words.
For the first time in my life, I realized how my father could sleep through a football game but instantly jerk awake, just as soon as you changed the channel, yelling "I was watching that!"
I have since spent a considerable amount of time, effort, and money tracking down pretty much every MST3K television episode/movie/special ever made. I don't watch them much during the day anymore. Instead, MST3K is my teddy bear. I cuddle up to it at night. The tensions of the day just melt away and I sleep soundly hearing Crow mutter "Bite me!" in the background.
Also available...
Former head writer and host Michael J. Nelson created RiffTrax, downloadable feature-length commentaries by Mike (occasionally with other stars of MST3K and guest celebrities) which you can sync up and listen to with your favorite DVDs. Since Mike doesn't provide the actual movie, there are no royalties and he can create a RiffTrax.mp3 for any of the latest, greatest huge-budget Hollywood features for less than $4 a pop. Which kind of kills the purpose of MST3K, in my ever so humble opinion. On the other hand, I've seen many of these movies and am of the opinion that a larger budget sometimes simply gives a director more rope with which to hang himself. And, among the dozens of RiffTrax available, there are a few older gems. No shadowrama, which are those little outlines of the riffers at the bottom of the screen.
The late era MST3K alumni, Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett are also the Film Crew, working class slobs with the horrible job of providing commentary tracks for every movie that doesn't have one. Luckily, their boss likes old movies which have fallen into the public domain, the few available titles are available on DVD for about $16. Again, no shadowrama.
The early era MST3K alumni, Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, and J. Elvis ("Josh" back in the day) Weinstein, have created Cinematic Titanic which will apparently also be providing commentaries for old movies which have fallen into the public domain. Said movies will be available in many different formats. They will have some form of shadowrama, if I read the official website correctly.
Mini-reviews: (full reviews later)
I would love to see some original Mystery Science Theater 3000, but apparently there are some rights issues and personality conflicts. Warning: the following is mostly conjecture, speculation, and wild rumor. Best Brains, Inc (Jim Mallon, mostly) owns the official Mystery Science Theater 3000 "name" and "brand." They run the flash-heavy, content-light official MST3K website and are the only ones who can create new MST3K, which apparently they aren't willing to do. Mike, Kevin, and Bill have been doing the most to keep MST3K alive during the Dark Ages, apparently with no support from the others. Joel and the other originals had all, at one time or another and for one reason or another, dropped out and decided they wanted to pursue other careers. My overly cynical and completely arbitrary and utterly unfair appraisal? Jim wants to keep making money on MST3K without putting any effort into it, Mike desperately wants to keep entertaining people any way he can, and Joel is trying to cash in on all of Mike's hard work.
Otherwise, why do we have all these different groups doing all these different things, when together they could create new episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000? The world may never know.
