"Tennessee Lemon Flaws" by Troy H. Cheek on Feb 20, 2006

I was catching up on my sleep the other day when Bob (of the Bob and Barb Show) called. Bob and I go way back. How far back? Well, let's just say that real soon now the statute of limitations will run out and I can talk about it. In the meantime, we keep a low profile.

"Hey, Troy. I need your help. I have a problem with Barb."

"Quiet!" I hissed. "This is an unscrambled line! I'm still waiting for things to die down after the last time I helped you with a problem."

"Nothing like that!" Bob hastened to clarify. "It's about a car she bought."

"You'll have to be more specific." Bob and Barb are always buying cars. They have a system. Bob trades in his car and buys a new one with a three year loan. At the end of three years, Barb trades in her car and buys a new one with a three year loan. That way, they're always driving new cars, get rid of them before they get worn out, and only have one car payment.

I, on the other hand, have owned a grand total of two (2) vehicles the entire time I've known them.

"It's the last car Barb bought. The convertible."

"I don't think I've seen that one."

"Well, you're not going to. It's in the shop."

"What's wrong with it?"

"Well, as Barb tells it, she was driving through town the other day when the car just quit. It wouldn't start back. She had it towed to the shop and they called her this morning to tell her what was wrong with it."

"What was wrong with it?" I repeated.

"They wouldn't tell us over the phone. They wanted me to come down to the shop. I was hoping that it was some tiny, simple thing and they just wanted to show me in person so the next time it happened I could fix it myself without bothering them. I was hoping."

"What was wrong with it?" I repeated, deadpan.

"Well, it appears that we had been running it without oil. For a while. A long while."

"Engine completely locked up, is it?"

"Tighter than Fort Knox."

"Did the oil pressure gauge or idiot light or whatever not show a problem?"

Bob sighed. "Barb doesn't think so. She's pretty sure everything showed normal. She even remembers checking the oil once shortly after she bought it. It was within normal operating range, she believes."

That probably translated to seeing some oil anywhere on the stick. Which could be way below normal operating range but still enough to keep the engine from seizing. "How long have you had this car?"

"About three months. We've only put about 2500 miles on it. We were going to take it in for its first oil change next week."

"Well, most new cars have a one year or 10,000 mile warranty. I'd call the dealer, tell him his new car sprung an oil leak, and dump the problem in his lap."

"Um..." Bob hemmed and hawed a bit. "Well, you see, Troy, it's like this... Barb wanted a convertible, but the new ones were a little out of our price range..."

"So you bought used?" Oh, brother.

"Pre-owned," Bob corrected automatically. I could tell he'd sat through quite a few sales speeches. To this day, I can't look at a mobile home without calling it pre-manufactured.

"You bought a used car from a car lot in Tennessee? Please tell me you didn't sign the standard contract."

"I think we did."

"That means that you probably signed away all the rights that the law will allow you to sign away and agreed to accept the car 'as is' regardless of mechanical problems."

"That's kind of what the guy at the car lot told me when I called today."

"Not much you can do, then. A new engine will probably run you about $3,000 installed. Good luck with that." I tried to hang up.

"Lemon laws!" Bob yelled.

"What about them?" I asked.

"Doesn't Tennessee have lemon laws?" he asked. Heck, he begged.

"For new cars. I'm not sure they cover used cars."

"Oh, they do, I'm sure. Barb and I talked it over, and we both agree that not too many years ago, we remember reading or hearing or seeing something in the news about Tennessee enacting tougher lemon laws that applied to used car dealers. We just can't remember if the protection was for 30 days or 90 days, and I don't want to tip off the guy at the car lot by asking him. If it's 90 days, we can just squeeze in. Can you check it for us?"

I agreed to check into it for him. Now that he had mentioned it, I did seem to recall hearing about something like that before. I made a trip to the local law library, placed a few calls, and fired off a few emails.

What I discovered was that pretty much everybody, not just me and Bob and Bard, remembered reading or hearing or seeing something like that in the news not too many years ago. We all agreed that for some period of time, opinions varied as to exactly how long, you could push/pull/tug/tow your lemon back to the used car dealer and get a refund or exchange. It was a great law that went a long way towards protecting consumer rights.

Problem was, we couldn't find that any such laws had actually been passed.

In fact, the closest we could find was a lemon law that applied only to new cars, and even then you had to give the dealer three opportunities over the period of a year to try to fix the problem before you could get your refund or exchange.

I called Bob with the bad news. "Check the numbers on the frame and the engine. Unless you can prove that the car they sold you isn't the car you have paperwork for, you're cooked."

"I see. I guess we're out $3,000." Pause. "Say, do you have any plans for next Saturday at, say, three in the morning?"

"No, not really. Why?"

"I was just wondering if you'd like to help me get $3,000 worth of satisfaction from Honest Eduardo's Pre-Loved Cars car lot."

"Quiet!" I hissed. "This is an unscrambled line!"

Copyright 2006 by Troy H. Cheek. Reprint with prior written permission only. Comments and questions to