"My name is Troy... Stop Laughing!" by Troy H. Cheek on Jun 20, 2005

My name is Troy Howard Cheek and I'm quite proud of it.

The Cheek family name originates in Wales where I understand that the ancestral Cheek family castle still stands in the middle of some swamp or another. Way back then, the name was spelled Cheke or Sheke or some other variation. Of course, back then, spelling of anything wasn't standardized yet. The Cheek family has been very influential in the British Isles during the last thousand years or so. Once they were given the "opportunity" to migrate to Australia, they were very influential there as well.

The tutor of King Edward VI was one Sir John Cheke, considered by John Milton to be the most learned and humble man in all of England and honored in a sonnet. A Rear Admiral Cheek commanded the battleship on which the treaty which ended World War II was signed. And the inventor of Mother's Day did so to honor her own mother who was, of course, a Cheek.

My middle name of Howard is shared by my father and a few other male relatives. Howard is also the family name of some people who have intermarried with the Cheek family a few times over the last few hundred years.

My father had the same first name Leonard as his father, so he went by Howard growing up. But among my mother's family, Howard was considered a prettier name than Troy so they would refer to me as Howard. So, depending on who's around, I'm Troy and he's Howard, or I'm Howard and he's Leonard, or I'm T. Howard and he's L. Howard.

Makes it fun when the mail is delivered.

My first name of Troy was chosen because it was popular at the time, was part of the name of a famous Indian (Native American) brave from a legend popular with my grandparents, or was the name of a star of popular 1960's beach movies. Take your pick.

My mother swears that I wasn't named after teen heartthrob Troy Donahue, but then she swears she didn't know what THC stood for when she named me, either.

Regardless, ponder on these names: Troy Donahue, Troy Aikman, Troy McClure, Troy H. Cheek. All strong, masculine names. Real men's men. Not a pansy in the group.

So why do people keep telling me that Troy is a girl's name?

Admittedly, I haven't heard that in a while, but from a period of about the time I started college until just a few short years ago, pretty much every introduction to a new person went something like this:

"Hi there! Great party! I'm Joe Whoever," someone would say.

"I'm Troy H. Cheek," I'd answer.

Confused look. "Troy? I thought Troy was a girl's name."

"No, it's a boy's name in my family." I'd start backing away.

"That's odd. I'm almost certain that I [a) went to school with, b) used to work with, or c) have a close relative who is] a woman named Troy. Hey Sue! What's your sister's name again?"

"Joe, you know her name is Troy."

After the 40th or 50th time, I stop bothering to argue with them. "Of course I was joking. Call me Howard."

I've yet to personally meet a woman named Troy, see one on TV or in the movies, read about one, or find one on the World Wide Web. I've decided that it's a case of mistaken identity.

I know that the name Victoria was common for girls for some time and still pops up occasionally. Victoria can be shortened to either Vicky or Tory. Tory is close enough to Troy that I'm sure that they can easily be confused with each other. Of course, nobody who's certain they went to school with a girl named Troy has ever been convinced by my reasoning.

This reminds me of a person whose messages I read online who used the name of Dana. To this day, I do not know if this Dana person was a man or a woman. I've met both men and women who use that name. This person never came out and said one way or the other. Instead, what Dana would do is include in an online argument a statement like "You're just saying I can't argue logically because you think I'm a woman!" followed a week or two later with something similar to "You wouldn't say such sexist things if you didn't think I was a man!" Dana seemed to get a kick out of making people think that they had guessed wrong.

Bringing the subject back to me and my name, there are those who have never heard the name Troy and assume that it is a made-up name or a mispelling. I routinely get letters addressed to Tory, Tony, Terry, Tron, and the like. These same people apparently have never heard of the family name Cheek. I'm more likely to be referred to as Cheeks, Cheke, Check, or even Heek.

In a recent employee newsletter, I was referenced as Tony Check. Why? Because the person writing the article just barely glanced at the name before transcribing it. When I pointed out the error, she admitted that she'd never so much as heard of anyone with the name Troy or Cheek.

Here's a true story, with names slightly changed to protect the innocent. I was doing the Bastard Officer From Hell(tm) thing working the weekend security shift under a supervisor of the name Ralph Hedley. Ralph would pronounce his last name with a lot of emphasis on the first syllable and barely breathe the second, so it sounded more like HEADle'. The other officer on the shift was named William Batum, but he was a yankee, so he pronounced the "a as in apple" sound in his last name more like an "ah" or "o as in bottle" sound.

The three of us were dealing with a slightly intoxicated emergency room patient. Being drunk has been known to make people hard of hearing, and I've already explained my co-workers' pronunciations of their names, so in retrospect I should have expected something like what eventually happened.

Ralph set down the rules. "Sir, you need to sit down and be quiet. You're in a hospital."

"I don't care. You have no authority over me. In fact, just you coming in here and talking to me like that is probably illegal. What are your names? I'm goin to sue you for intimidation."

"I'm Ralph Hedly," said Ralph Hedly.

"Ralph Head? You're lying. What's your name?"

"William Batum," said William Batum.

"William Bottom? Yeah, right! You jerks think you can put something over on me. Either tell me your real names or I'm going to kick all your asses. What's your name?"

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

After six or eight repititions, the drunk got tired of Ralph and William and noticed that I was in the room. "Great! I'm in here with a Head and a Bottom. Who are you? John Q. Asscheeks?"

"Actually, it's Troy Cheek," I answered honestly.

After we'd wrestled him to the ground and handcuffed him, the doctor said that if he was in good enough shape to put up that good of a fight, there was nothing medically wrong with him. We called the police to come take him away.

"Public intoxication, assault times three, and anything else you can think of on the way down to the station. Oh, and if you could, bring back those cuffs the next time you're coming this way."

"Sure thing. I'll just drop them off at the desk like I usually do. Who do I need to say they're for?"

"Troy Cheek."

"Troy? I used to go to school with a girl named Troy."

Copyright 2005 by Troy H. Cheek. Reprint with prior written permission only. Comments and questions to