"Blogs within Blogs within Blogs" by Troy H. Cheek on Apr 16, 2005

I've discovered something unusual about the World Wide Web. If I find that I like something and mention it online, nobody so much as twitches a whisker. If I instead find something I don't like and mention it online, I'll have hatemail in my inbox before I finish the upload. Apparently, if you dislike something, you'd better not mention it unless you've got enough evidence supporting your view to convince a mother to drown her own offspring.

I don't like blogs.

There, I said it.

It is commonly said that the First Amendment of the United States Constitution gives us the Right to Free Speech. Actually, it says nothing of the kind, but that's beside the point. The point is that some people confuse the right to speak freely with the obligation to speak freely. Anything that comes into their tiny little minds gets instantly blathered. Others confuse a right to speak freely with the guarantee of an audience. If you say it, they have to listen.

Enter the weblog. People with nothing to say are speaking volumes and if you're not linking to their blogs and encouraging everyone who visits your site to click on said links, you're violating their First Amendment Rights.

A month or two back I received an email from a guy (I think it was a guy) who claimed that he had emailed me several times earlier asking that I link to his blog. I don't remember reading any earlier emails from him, but I can't say for sure that he didn't send them. Maybe my spam filter caught them or something. Anyway, since I was being so unreasonable by not responding to his earlier emails, he sent this one demanding that I add his blog to the list of blogs I maintained for my website or else he'd sue me for violating his Civil Rights.

Don't bother looking. No such list exists on this site. I do occasionally link to a blog I like to read regularly or perhaps link to a particular blog entry to make a point or something, but I don't have the time or inclination to maintain a list of bloggers. Besides, I just made the whole thing up.

One thing that really bugs me about blogs is that they tend to be in reverse chronological order. Which means that the newest items are at the top of the page with older ones towards the bottom. I suppose this is so that anybody tuning in will always see the latest item. Unfortunately, this isn't a good thing if you're new to reading the blog or just haven't visited in a while. You then have to page down to the bottom to find whichever entry started the discussion that you've apparently joined already in progess.

The only people who really benefit from the latest entry always being on the top are the ones checking the blog at least as often as the blogger is updating it. Anyone that lacking in a life can afford to spend a few seconds learning to use the 'Page Down' key.

If some of the blog entries are more than one page, you end up paging down a few times to read them, then paging a few times to get back to the start, then paging up some more to find the start of the next one, then back down again to read it.

Some blogs I've read seem to put the days (or weeks) in reverse order, but multiple entries in a single day are sorted earlier to later. I've also seen blogs that have the main page in reverse order, but the archives are the opposite. What's up with that?

It seems to me the best layout would be to have the entries in plain old chronological order, at least for each day, and have the server set a cookie or something to keep track of the last read pointer. If my favorite BBS software can tell me which messages are new since the last time I visited the site, then surely a blog can do the same.

Sure, setting a cookie is a non-trivial programming task -- I certainly wouldn't know how to do it myself with modern browsers -- but it's not like bloggers are doing their own programming to begin with. If they were, they'd self-publish a weekly column or something instead of using turnkey software to put their thoughts in blogs. The people programming the blog software could probably set a browser cookie in their sleep standing on their heads naked while eating crackers in bed.

Let's pause for a moment to get that image out of our heads, then move on.

Of course, I'm a crotchety old man, so naturally I've got some crazy ideas. One is that there should be some kind of entrance exam prior to using the Internet. You need a license to drive a car, own a gun, get married, or to do anything else that is going to inconvenience those around you. You even need a license to go fishing. I admit getting a license to do these things is often downright trivial, but there is a process. Anyone who can't figure out which local store in his area carries fishing licenses really isn't someone I want playing with sharp pointy things or standing around water.

On the other hand, any idiot who stands still long enough will encounter someone begging him to sign up for an Internet service. Many get access to the Internet without even knowing what it is through work or school or a more knowledgeable family member signing up and accidentally leaving the computer on.

Many years back, we'd refer to the start of school in the Fall as the season of Modemas. Kids would be given computers as gifts "to help with their schoolwork" and would hit the online services in droves. It would take months to educate them. More recently, adults receiving computers as gifts or buying them as gifts to themselves started causing a similar Modemas around Christmas. Today, when I see a fresh spate of clueless newbies, I think to myself that some big national ISP just started advertising a new trial offer.

When my state first started issuing gun carry permits, pretty much everybody I knew talked about getting one. Then they found out that there was an application process, followed by mandatory training, identity confirmation, and a small fee. This immediately reduced the number of people I knew who even started the process to two (2), including myself. And I managed to procrastinate enough that I'd have to start all over the next time I decide to do it.

"But, Uncle Troy," I can hear you saying, "carrying a gun is a lot more responsibility than using the Internet."

That depends on how you look at it. The way I see it, even the most dedicated serial killer or most randomly shooting idiot is going to have a hard time injuring or killing more than a dozen people before the police come and take him away. Most people in these categories get their guns taken away from them just because they've said or done something to make somebody think they might hurt themselves or others.

Compare this to your average Internet user. He might irritate thousands of people for years until he becomes semi-competent at using the Internet. He may never reach that point. I know because I've worked with people like that, or had them somehow add my email address to their list of friends.

The odds of getting hit by a stray bullet, even in my line of work, are too small to even worry about. On the other hand, I'd be willing to bet $20 that in the time it's taken me to type this, somebody who should never have been allowed with 100 feet of a computer has sent me an email or penned a blog entry or posted in a formum or otherwise done something which is going to have me gritting my teeth and talking to myself for the rest of the night.

With even the most remedial of entry exams, most people who have no use for the Internet other than sending you emails saying "Help! I can't figure out how to send you email" will decide that they can do without net access for another few years. Likewise, if having a blog were just a tiny bit more difficult, only the people who really had something worth saying would be willing to take the effort to say it.

I can't seem to find the link I set aside, so I'll just describe a webcomic I read recently. In it, a character is reading a book but complaining that it's organized wrong. The conclusions seem to come after the facts and the later entries seem to be towards the end of the book instead of at the beginning where they should be. Another character has to point out that this is a history textbook, not a blog.

I can see it now...

December 26, 1776 10:17am -- Caught the Hessians completely by surprise! We rule!

December 25, 1776 11:45pm -- Damn it's cold! I'd really rather be back in bed, but the troops are already mustered. If this is the last entry for a while, you'll know why.

December 25, 1776 08:04am -- I'll bet Mom's pissed because I blew off Christmas again. I wish someone go hurry up and invent the telephone so I could call her up and explain.

December 24, 1776 09:31pm -- After meeting all day, somebody came up with the bright idea of crossing the Delaware River tomorrow night and attack the Hessian garrison at Trenton sometime around dawn. I accidentally took credit for it when I passed it on to my boss.

December 23, 1776 11:45pm -- Got my first feedback today. Had to delete it because the luser dissed me.

December 23, 1776 01:33pm -- All my test messages are making it to the blog, but none of my real ones? WTF?

December 22, 1776 06:11am -- test test

December 22, 1776 06:08am -- test tst test

December 22, 1776 06:05am -- test

December 21, 1776 08:58am -- Hey! It works! I rule! The weblog of George Washington is one the air!

Copyright 2005 by Troy H. Cheek. Reprint with prior written permission only. Comments and questions to