"Back to the Hand Doctor" by Troy H. Cheek on Jan 13, 2005

Subtitled: One-Handed Typing Still Sucks

Nobody will ever say that that I can't handle pain. It's not that I can handle pain particular well. It's that I'm large enough and violent enough that nobody is going to say it. At least, not to my face.

On January 13, I returned to my hand doctor to have the stitches removed from my palm. As those who have been reading this section of our web site regularly already know, my doctor decided that as long as I was on the table anyway getting my ulnar nerve transposition we might as well fix that carpal tunnel problem as well. Not that I've noticed any carpal tunnel problem. This was apparently one of those things that is going to become a problem in the very near future.

Because of the stitches at my elbow and the stitches in my hand I was bandaged from my armpit to the first knuckle of my fingers. Naturally, this was done to my dominant right arm. This didn't bother me at first because I had been told that the arm would only be immobilized for a few days. After the surgery, I discover that my doctor's definition of "few" was 7 to 10. I also discovered that my doctor's definition of "and then we'll remove the stitches" was looking it over and deciding to give it another week.

In the meantime, I was to continue not to use the hand. One-handed typing still sucks. I throw that in there just in case he reads this web page.

On the bright side, although the incision along the inside of my elbow looks horrible, the doctor says it's healing nicely. He used dissolving stitches there which will take care of themselves in the near future. On the odd chance that the ragged ends don't fall off on their own, I can take them off with nail clippers. Unless I want him to have to do the surgery all over again, in which case I can just try to pull the ragged ends of the stitches out.

I begin to think he doesn't have a very high opinion of me.

At the wrist, or more accurately, the palm, he used regular old stitches which would best be removed by a medical professional. Apparently, I don't count as one of those, even though I've worked in and around hospitals for over 10 years. I'll return a week to have a nurse remove those. Without the stitches I might get cleared to drive a car again. Two weeks after that, the hand Doctor will poke and prod again and maybe finally talk with me about when I might be able to return to work.

About time. I hear rumor that the boss is already giving away my uniforms.

I was happy to hear that I probably won't require physical therapy. He gave me a list of exercises to do with my fingers and elbow. If I can demonstrate a satisfactory range of motion the next time he sees me, we'll forget all about physical therapy. If not, I'll be paying young ladies to strap me to machines and hurt me.

Now that I'm old, that doesn't sound like nearly as much fun as it used to be.

So what have I been doing with myself this last week? Contrary to popular opinion, I have not been out enjoying the unseasonably warm weather. In fact, until the last couple days, I haven't done much of anything. About the time I start feeling good enough to feel restless, I get weak and dizzy and have to lay down again. Managing my diabetes has also taken up a lot of my time. Stress and feeling bad brings my blood sugar up as does my reduced physical activity. Sleeping through half my meals and having no appetite when I am awake brings my blood sugar down.

It doesn't help that half my friends and family hear me moaning and groaning and tell me to take more pain pills, while the other half tell me to take less because they're afraid I'll get hooked on them. But I know that all of them love me and are just trying to help.

In the immortal words of the Bard, stop helping. If you really want to help, open this can of soup for me.

As much as it pains me to say it, I owe my sanity (such that it is) to the Sci-Fi Channel. I never thought I'd say that, because I am contractually obligated to hate the Sci-Fi Channel. You see, a great many years ago, I was involved with a network known as the Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Adventure Network. SFFAN for short. By "involved" I mean that I was asked by one of the founders of SFFAN to do some free creative work to help get the network launched with the promise of a salaried position afterwords. As with most such arrangements, this ended up being nothing but a colossal waste of my brain power. Such that it is. Sci-Fi got off the ground before SFFAN could, and the rest was history.

About the only thing I remember of my vast contribution to this effort was my suggestion that SFFAN obtain the rights to the then-fairly-recently canceled but still popular Glen A. Larson series Battlestar Galactica. I felt that SFFAN should air reruns and/or produce new episodes based on the same idea. If we could obtain the original actors, all the better. Otherwise, a similar series of the same name featuring a new cast and crew, possibly set in another time or in another galaxy.

Obviously, I was ahead of my time, at least in terms of spinoffs and derivative works.

This week on the Sci-Fi Channel, the entire original run of Battlestar Galactica is being shown in original broadcast order, which is pretty close to the order in which the creators probably intended the episodes to air. I have whizzed away entire days of forced inactivity by watching these episodes. Yes, they would be considered cheesy today, but the production values were very high for the time. And in spite of the corny direction some of the later episodes went in, I repeat my long-held belief that Glen A. Larson has a gift for coming up with great ideas for TV series.

Not that I believe he should be allowed to touch those series with a 10 foot pole after the first six episodes, mind you.

Or what ever the plural of "series" is supposed to be.

The Sci-Fi Channel is apparently rerunning all these episodes to ramp up interest in their new Battlestar Galactica "reimagining" series. Or, as I like to call it, Galactica: Above and Beyond. Which is the same basic story of the original series only set a few generations later with new actors.

Tell me again that I don't have what it takes to be a network executive.

Copyright 2005 by Troy H. Cheek. Reprint with prior written permission only. Comments and questions to