"Cable Modem Dreams" by Troy H. Cheek on Jul 26, 2004

"Troy, you've got to get yourself a cable modem," Bill said.

"I'm happy with what I've got," I replied.

"Happy? You don't even have internet access!"

That was true. I didn't have internet access. I once sort of had internet access, only the internet wasn't called the internet back then. Instead of the internet, we had a collection of independent nets that didn't share data easily. What we today call the internet is actually a collection of independent nets that do share data easily, but that's a topic for a future article.

I admitted that I did miss having easy email access to all the friends I'd made over the years. I could occasionally send email to them via Fidonet, but that was a hit or miss proposition.

Oh, just so you know, Bill was Bill Cheek of scanner modification fame. He could take a 200-channel scanner and turn it into a 4,000-channel scanner, double the scan speed, and add a port to program it from your computer, all before breakfast. If you didn't understand what I just said, no amount of explaining will make it clear, so let's just move on. Bill and I met through our mutual hobby of scanning receivers. Also mutual was our family name. We never did figure out how or even if we actually were related, but did determine that we both had ancestors who live in roughly the same part of the country at roughly the same time. He decided that we were distant cousins and that was all right with me.

Of course, being family meant that he was allowed to argue with me endlessly instead of being his usual polite self.

I had called Bill to talk about his Hertzian BBS, which was going to seed as he spent more and more time working on his website. I liked the BBS and called in long distance every so often to use it. I wouldn't be able to much longer as he was taking it down.

"The BBS ties up a phone line and can only service one visitor at a time. I'd have to get more phone lines to handle more. My website can handle dozens of visitors at a time and doesn't take a single phone line. It works through the cable TV, um, cable."

This was back around 1997, so I had to have it explained to me. Some cable TV companies were offering internet access. You split off your incoming cable and fed it to a special modem, which was in turn connected to your computer.

"10 million bits per second, Troy," Bill said as he continued his hard sell. "You're using what now? A 9600 bps modem? That's literally a thousand times slower than what you could have."

Actually, I had a 14.4k, or 14,400 bps modem at the time, but I didn't tell him that. It was close enough not to matter. "I don't know, Bill. Doesn't seem possible."

Oh, it was possible all right. Regular phone line modem speeds are ultimately limited by the fact that they're using a system designed to carry a single, low quality voice signal. Cable TV, on the other hand, was designed to carry dozens of high quality video and audio signals. Plenty of "bandwidth" to go around, as Bill kept saying.

And then, of course, there was the possibility of me running my own website. "Once you get your cable modem, you're hooked to the internet all the time. And since you're hooked directly to the internet, you don't have to worry about some ISP telling you that you're online too long or downloading too many files. You'll have your own IP address. You can set up your own website and run it straight from your computer. You can set up a mail server, too. Why, you could even set up a server to handle online games, if you want."

"And how much is this miracle drug going to cost me?"

"I'm paying about $20 a month on top of my regular cable bill. It might be more or less where you are, depending on the company."

He finally convinced me. I started having dreams of cable modems, computers connected to the internet 24/7, my own website (though, at the time, I wasn't quite sure that I'd ever make one), my own mail server, custom games that I would host, the works.

Luckily, we had recently gotten cable television service in our area. By that, I mean it was really available. For many years, it had been available in our area, according to various maps and salespeople. Unfortunately, the cable stopped a mile or so short of our house. You could trace it from town, watching it droop from pole to pole, and literally see where it ended just down the road.

We'd called several times to see when it would be available at our house. We were always told that it was already available at our house. We finally told them to come on out and hook us up, then. The installer arrived and admitted that it was not available yet. He did, however, offer to bring it on out to our house. That would only cost us $40 a foot or so.

How many feet are in a mile?

Eventually, the end of the cable was extended past our house and we were able to get hooked up. By the time Bill and I had our little discussion, I'd just about gotten used to having all those channels. Internet access sounded like just the thing to add on.

"Thank you for calling Cardassian Cable, now bringing you four -- no, five! -- sports channels. How can we help you today?"

I asked who I needed to talk to about cable modems. She didn't know what a modem was. I explained that it was something that let computers talk to other computers over a phone line.

"Sir, if you're having trouble with your phone, you need to call your phone company. We just do cable TV."

I explained that a cable modem allowed computers to talk to each other over the cable TV lines. She put me on hold.

Or, at least, she thought she did.

"This guy wants to watch TV on his computer. What do I tell him?"

"Just transfer him to me. I'll take care of it."

Click. Beep. Hum. Click.

"Sir, you'll need a special video card or possibly-"

I cut him off. "No, I don't want to watch TV on my computer. I want to use your cable TV line to connect to the internet and let my computer talk to other computers."

"Sir, you'd need some kind of, oh, I don't know, 'cable modem' for that."

I swear I could hear the quote marks. The guy honestly thought he'd just made up some kind of new technology. I pressed on anyway.

"That's exactly what I'm calling to check about."

"Sir, nobody has anything remotely like that-"

"My cousin Bill out in California says he's had one for a year now. Says that everybody out there has them and wants to know when I'm going to join the 20th century and get one on my own. I didn't believe him, either. But he explained that I'm just a poor Tennessee redneck who doesn't understand technology and that if I'd merely take the effort to call my local cable company, they'd be happy to set me straight."

"Please hold."

Eventually, I got to speak to someone who actually works on cable TV systems, instead of being paid to answer a phone. "Cable modems? We're working on upgrading our systems to handle them. What was your phone number again? I'll look you up and see when they'll be available in your area."

I told him my number.

"Ah, here you are. We should be ready to set you up in... 2002. Do you want to go ahead and set up an appointment?"

2002. Five (5) years away. "Um, no thanks. I'll call you back."

So, I wouldn't have internet access for another five years.

Or would I?

Copyright 2004 by Troy H. Cheek. Reprint with prior written permission only. Comments and questions to $mail:theview$